they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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