yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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