Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
