Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
