A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
