You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
