I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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