Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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