Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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