I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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