Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
