haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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