She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
