so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
