I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
