and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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