Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
