At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.