no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things