i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
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being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt