Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!