He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday