The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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