Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
