I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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