I just threw up on my dentist
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
