break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
