Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
