i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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