then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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