hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize