i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
