These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
