Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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