i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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