Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
