You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
