We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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