I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
