I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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