is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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