I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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