I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.