RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.