Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.