i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
