i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
