I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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