Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
