Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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