yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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