If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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