I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
