after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You may now shotgun with the bride
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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