I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize