I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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