You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
