Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
