i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
