Need sex. Gaining weight.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
