Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
